Breathing is something we do every day, automatically, but by choosing to control our breathing we have the power to control our life.

While BreathWork may not seem like a Mindset tool on first thought, I have chosen to place it in this set of tools because Mindset tools are about choice. Unfortunately, many people will resist making quick and simple breathing changes because… well, they’re stressed.

BreathWork ideally belongs in each pillar of stress management. It is a wonderful source of Decompression. By making breathing exercises a part of your Lifestyle tools you will be able to avoid many stressful situations simply because you know how to breathe effectively. This will give you greater clarity and focus to think through situations so you are able to choose the most appropriate action.

As a Mindset tool you are able to choose to breathe properly during high stress situations so that you can experience the amazing benefits BreathWork can provide.

Breathing is the most important tool we can have in our stress management toolbox. The power we have within each breath is incredible. Learning to breathe properly and effectively and then choosing to use BreathWork to control stress can literally change your life.

There are many different types of relaxation breathing but for now I will share one very effective breathing exercise.

When you find yourself reacting to stress, a very quick and effective breathing technique is to count. Focus on each breath and count to 4 as you inhale, then count to 8 as you exhale. While this may sound simple it can be quite difficult at first. Our natural response to stress is for our breathing to become shallow and rapid, or for us to hold our breath.

Aim for a 4-8-count breath as described above. If this is difficult at first, speed it up a little bit. Inhale for a count of 4 and exhale for a count of 4. As you begin to relax, increase your exhalation to a count of 8. Strive to make each exhalation twice as long as each inhalation.

A tool I recommend and use myself is a metronome. A metronome is a device commonly used by musicians. It makes a rhythmic ticking sound, sometimes called tick, click or beat and the speed is adjustable. I prefer a 60 count beat, which is one beat per second. It’s great for pacing the counts while you practice your breathing exercises. It helps you keep your breathing more steady and rhythmic without having to think too hard about it.

You can download a free metronome app to your smart phone so you will have it wherever you are. If you are in a situation where you are unable to use the metronome, you can use your own heartbeat for timing. Find your radial pulse on the inside of your wrist or your carotid pulse on either side of your neck and use this as your counting rhythm. By consciously counting your heart rate and using this to control your breathing you can deliberately slow your heart rate.

Becoming aware of your breath distracts your mind and gives you a new focus. Remember, you can’t effectively focus on two thoughts at the same time. So by becoming aware of your breath you are diminishing the power of your stressful thoughts.

By counting as you breathe you can deliberately change the rhythm of your breath, bringing it under control and into a more relaxed state. This can also slow your heart rate, lower blood pressure and reverse the stress response.

Once your breath becomes more effective, additional oxygen can get to your brain, which will improve your focus and enhance your problem solving ability. As you become clearer and more relaxed the stress response will be halted and you will be better able to resolve whatever issue created your stress in the first place.

For a more in-depth explanation of the benefits of BreathWork and many more breathing exercises look for my upcoming book and audio, Breathe In…Breathe Out…Repeat: The Power of BreathWork.

Our initial interpretation of an event may not be the one that best serves us, and it may not be accurate. Typically, our initial thought in a stressful moment is negative. But what if there was another way to look at it?

That’s reframing. It’s simply finding a new way to look at a situation that will serve you in a more positive way. It’s like changing the lens on a camera to get a different view of an object. The object doesn’t change, only the way we see it changes.

By changing the way you see something or how you interpret it, you change the way you experience it. Stress does not come from specific experiences. Stress comes from our interpretation of our experiences or our perception of those experiences. And we have the power to control our thoughts, therefore we have the power to control our interpretations, and by controlling our interpretations, we control our lives. 

A great example of this would be moving, or relocating to a new neighborhood, city or state, even learning a new culture. For some people moving is a dreaded experience. There is the work involved, the expense and the time. It means having to meet new people and having to adjust to a new place. It means letting go of the familiar and adapting to the unfamiliar. It means change, and it creates great stress.

For other people moving is exciting. The work, time and expense are insignificant considerations. For these people moving means getting to meet new people and getting to experience a new place. They don’t see the change as a letting go, but an adding to. They see it as fun, exciting and positive.

Often we have no control over the circumstances in our lives, but by changing how we view that circumstance, and reframing it to find the positive, we take control in a very powerful way.

By reframing we are actively looking for the positive side of every situation, whether we choose to make a change or not.

As we look back at the events in our lives, often we can see that the most difficult experiences were the ones that provided the greatest opportunities for growth and happiness. Reframing can help us find the positive aspects of each situation.

As I’ve mentioned previously, our minds cannot focus on two thoughts at the same time, even though we like to think we are effective multi-taskers. By thinking about the negative and stressful aspects or our lives, we miss the miracles. A quick and effective way to halt the stress that accompanies negative emotions is to think about the things we are grateful for. Deliberately shifting our mindset in this way immediately halts the stress response and fills us with positive, feel-good hormones.

To experience the benefits of gratitude, keep a small notebook, or gratitude journal where you can easily get to it. When you begin to feel fear, hurt, anger, disappointment, stress…any negative emotion, write down 3 things you are grateful for. If you are having a hard time feeling grateful, read back over previous entries in your gratitude journal. Feel the positive emotions that come from thinking about the things you are grateful for.

Here’s a fun gratitude practice we have at our house. Whenever we sit down together for dinner we go around the table giving each person the opportunity to share the highlight of their day and something they are grateful for. If we have guests they are encouraged to participate also, and they always do. Frequently as friends return, and we repeat this activity, they will say, “Oh, I was hoping we would do that again.” And they enthusiastically share the highlight of their day and something they are grateful for.

Finding ways to feel gratitude each day helps us to tap into those feelings more easily during stressful times.

To take the concept of gratitude a bit deeper, look at each negative event in your life and try to find at least 1 positive aspect to it. No matter how difficult a situation may be there is always a bright side. You may have to dig deep but it’s there, waiting for you to find it and learn from it. Many times the tragedies in life set us up for the greatest blessings.

I’m such an idiot. How could I be so stupid? I’m so stressed… I’m so ugly. I hate my hair…

Listen to how you talk to yourself. What are you saying day after day? Would you say those things to your best friend? If not, why are you saying them to yourself?

We long to hear positive, encouraging words from those around us, and yet we say some of the most horrible things to ourselves. And most of the time we say them out loud for the world to hear.

For one whole day listen to the words you hear others say to and about themselves. It’s always easier to spot this behavior in others first. Then take note of the things you say to yourself. Try to focus on the feelings these words create. Do you feel empowered? Honored? Loved? Encouraged? Or do you feel angry, frustrated, and powerless?

Next, try to replace some of the negative, ugly things you say to and about yourself, with kind, loving words. Words that honor your efforts to do your best in each situation. Words of forgiveness when you err. These are the words we long for others to say to us. Why not start by treating ourselves the way we would want others to treat us? Why not start looking for the good and building up the positive things about you? The more you look, the more you will see.

To err is human, to forgive is divine. Strive to be divinely human. Forgive yourself for foolish errors, innocent mistakes and even “dumb choices”. Support your efforts to be better today than you were yesterday. Then notice how you feel. Do you feel empowered? Honored? Loved? Encouraged?

“This is the story of my life”. “I knew it would turn out bad”. “Why do bad things always happen to me?”

Much like negative self-talk, the negative words we say set us up for negative experiences. When we expect bad or negative things in our lives, often we create self-fulfilling prophecies and pull that negative energy closer to us.

Your unconscious mind is very obedient. It follows your mental cues and works very hard not to disappoint you. Unfortunately it can’t decipher between good and bad.

As you begin to notice how often you think and speak negative expectations it will astound you. Tiny things every day. Things like, “Of course, the light turns red when I’m running late”. “I knew there wouldn’t be any left by the time I got here”. “Naturally, the color I want is sold out”. “Figures, the ones I want aren’t on sale”. “I have a natural talent for always saying the wrong thing”. “Nothing I do matters anyway”. “I knew I wouldn’t get the promotion”. “It will probably rain today because I forgot my umbrella”.  And on it goes. Dozens, maybe even hundreds of times each day we think or mumble negative words, and express negative expectations.

Negative energy follows negative thoughts. Positive results cannot come from negative thoughts and negative energy. If you want positive results in your life, change your verbal and mental cues. Change your expectation. If you’re going to create the story of your life, make it a good one.