I know you’ve heard this one a million times. Yeah, yeah, yeah…but do you really understand why this can be so effective? When the stress response starts, our bodies are flooded with hormones that create energy. Our glucose stores are converted to energy to move our big muscles powerfully. That’s why people are able to do incredible things like lift a car off a trapped child or run fast to get out of danger…it’s survival.

But often our stress is more mental than physical and we never use up the energy we’ve just created, so we become filled with pent up energy and we are physically unable to relax. This excess energy prevents our minds from settling down so we can sleep, and lack of sleep adds to our frustration and stress.

By engaging in strenuous exercise, even for short periods of time, (think HIIT – High Intensity Interval Training) we are able to use up that stored energy and trigger a relaxation response. When done in small and situational “doses”, exercise falls into the Decompression Pillar. Frequent and regular exercise is part of the Lifestyle Pillar and helps prevent this buildup of excess energy within our bodies.

There are many benefits of regular exercise. It helps us relax and improves sleep. It helps us clear our minds and floods our bodies with powerful feel-good endorphins. Any type of sport or physical activity will work. Our bodies were made for movement, and when we move on a regular basis we are stronger, more confident, fit and happy.

We are so busy that often we race from one activity to the next without even a thought of what we just did or why we did it. We put ourselves on autopilot and just act without thinking about what it all means. And we pay a heavy price for all the busy activity.

Does this sound familiar? You spend weeks, maybe even months excitedly anticipating a vacation or event. Then when the event finally arrives you are so distracted by the thing you are currently working on that you never fully enjoy the event you have spent months preparing for.

I’m guessing you answered “yes” to that one. We all do it. It’s the way stressed people live. Often we miss the pleasurable things and moments of life because we fail to be present.

Mindfulness is the act of tuning in and consciously deciding to be fully aware of a particular moment. And for those of us whose mind seems to never stop spinning, attempting mindfulness can feel like a lot of work…at first. But with a little effort and determination, the payoff will be priceless.

There are many different ways to practice mindfulness. The simplest and most effective way is to consciously be aware of the details of this moment. What are you doing?

Take a sensory inventory. Think of each of your senses and notice what you are experiencing. What do you hear, smell or taste? What does the air feel like on your skin? Does it taste salty, like sea air? What is the pattern of your breathing? Is it shallow, fast, and in your chest? Or is it deep, slow and all the way into your abdomen? At first don’t change it, just become aware of it.

The key to mindfulness is to keep your mind focused on this moment. Savor it. If you notice your thoughts have drifted, simply make a mental note that your thoughts have drifted and gently bring them back into the present moment.

You can practice mindfulness anytime, anywhere. You can be mindful while eating, walking, driving, talking, sitting at your computer, taking a shower, embracing a loved one…just tune in to whatever you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Almost instantly your sense of pleasure will increase. You’ll actually feel the warm water running over your body while you shower. You’ll taste the flavor of the food you eat. You’ll hear the sounds around you. You’ll connect on a much deeper level with the people who matter in your life. You’ll experience your life, rather than fly through it, anticipating and then trying to remember events.

As you practice mindfulness you may feel a mental tug-of-war at first. This is okay and quite normal. Just be patient and keep at it. If you feel you’re struggling to keep your thoughts on the moment, it may be helpful to narrow your focus to your breathing. Inhale for a count of 4…then exhale. Try to make your exhalation last longer than your inhalation. Aim for a 4-8-breath cycle, 4 counts in, 8 counts out.

Mindfulness is a great exercise to do at the end of the day, as it will help prepare your mind and body to fall asleep more easily. I like to sit on my front porch at the end of long stressful days and practice mindfulness.

When I was first learning mindfulness I would go out to my front porch, sit in my favorite chair, set my timer for 3 minutes, close my eyes and attempt to “tune in” to how I felt right that moment. It was tough. My mind was so busy rehashing the events of the day I just couldn’t get it to cooperate. But I stuck with it.

Each time my mind wandered from the moment I would simply say, “the air feels cool on my skin” or warm or however it felt. The next time I might make note of what my feet were doing… my mind was constantly moving between the past and the future. It was truly a mental exercise. 3 minutes felt very long.

Eventually I started focusing on my breathing. That was easier. At first I counted my heartbeats as I breathed in and out. I counted 4 beats to inhale, and 4 beats to exhale. As I began to relax I counted 4 beats to inhale and 8 beats to exhale. Amazingly, 3 minutes got shorter and I began to increase my time because I was learning to relax and enjoy the moment. I was tuned in. It became less work and more pleasure.

Give mindfulness a try. Even if you struggle at first, stick with it. Soon you’ll find that you’re experiencing greater pleasure and deeper relaxation. Your life will take on deeper meaning. And your stress level will decrease.

Time management is not a new concept. Perhaps you’ve tried to work on time management skills before, but found that no matter how hard you tried and no matter how organized you became you still felt overwhelmed and stressed.

The problem with most time management attempts is that we work hard to get better, faster or more efficient with the tasks we already have so we can enjoy life. But for most of us we end up adding more stuff into our already overwhelmed schedule. Where’s the fun in that? What’s the point?

It’s frustrating and eventually we give up. We end up missing the point of time management because we are continuously adding to our schedule but never adding the things we thought we were making time for. So we stay in a constant state of stress. We never get ahead; we just keep adding more stuff.

I’m going to suggest a little different approach.

Instead of trying to make new space for the things we love, replace current time fillers with things that matter. Forget about having “more time”; there’s no such thing.

I’ve heard it said that the universe hates empty spaces. When there is emptiness around us or in our schedule, we always find a way to fill it. When we know and understand this, we can then choose what we want to fill our spaces with.

Time is precious and it’s the one thing we can never replace. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Become proactive in choosing how you will fill your time by designating a value to everything you do and make every minute count.

Here are some tips:

• Don’t get into the habit of automatically being available. If you are busy with an important task tell others that you will get back to them as soon as you can. Then do so.

• Email and social media can be important in certain circumstances, but they can also be huge time wasters. Try to use wait time for checking messages, returning emails, and logging into social media sites. Instead of letting these activities take up huge chunks of your day, use them to fill in smaller spaces of time when you can’t do anything else.

• Time yourself with daily and repetitive tasks. How long does it take to load the dishwasher, balance a checkbook, mow the lawn…challenge yourself to cut the time down as much as possible. Many times we anticipate a task taking much longer than it actually does, so we put it off. Make a list of 5 min tasks, 10 min tasks, and 30 min tasks. Once you know how long it takes to do the things you need to do each day, fill in small slots of time with these activities. It’s amazing how much you can get done this way. When my kids were young I timed everything. My kids said my timer was my best friend because I always had it with me. But I got a lot done because I knew how long each task took.

• Prioritize your day. What absolutely has to be done today? Put these things on the top of your list so they get done even if you have no time for anything else. Then when you have a few minutes between must-do’s, use your list of timed tasks and fill in. When we start with the most important things and keep our focus, we have less stress and begin to see where we are spending time on things that don’t really matter. Over time you will become more productive and less frustrated.

• Give yourself a stop time. Determine when you will “quit” for the day. If you don’t, you will always find something else to do and you will never have time for recreation and relaxation. Be firm with yourself. When we are burned out we are less effective. When we give ourselves time for R&R, making it a prioritiy, we are more focused and productive when we get back to work.

These are only a few suggestions for taking charge of your day and managing your time more effectively. The important thing to remember is your “why”. Why is time management important? Is it to have more time to spend on the things that are really important? It is to get more done and be more productive? Maybe it’s both. When you know your “why”, you can look at the things that are currently taking up space in your day and begin to weed out the unimportant time wasters. When you take charge of your day you will be more productive, have more time for the things that matter and you will be less stressed, happier, healthier and more at peace.

It’s no secret that when we’re stressed we hold that stress in our muscles, mainly our back, shoulders and neck. Initially this tension just feels…well…tense, but over time it has a very negative effect on many areas of our life. As a counterpoint to muscle tension, when we stretch we reverse many of these negative effects. Here are just a few of the positive side effects of stretching to reduce muscle tension caused by stress:

• Pain relief
• Fewer headaches
• Increased range of motion
• Greater flexibility
• Less frustration
• Decreased risk for injury
• Improved circulation
• Better posture
• More restful sleep

Of course there are many more benefits to stretching, but you get the picture. Besides the tension we feel from stress, sitting at a desk for long periods of time causes muscles to fatigue and ache also. Stretching the entire body provides the greatest benefits, but here are a couple of back, neck and shoulder stretches that will help you release tension anytime, anywhere.

• Shoulder Blade Squeeze

  This stretch is for the shoulders and upper back. Standing or sitting, with your shoulders down and neck long, allow your arms to hang straight down at your sides or place your hands on your hips. Slowly pull your shoulders back and squeeze your shoulder blades together tightly, then release. Repeat this move 20-30 times. When you have finished squeezing your shoulder blades together, raise your arms to shoulder height and open them wide, slowly pulling them back trying to touch your hands behind you. This opens the chest and feels sooooo gooood….stretch as far as is comfortable. Hold for about 30 seconds and release. This is also great for improving your posture.

• Neck Tilt

  Standing or sitting tall, with your arms at your sides, slowly and gently tilt you head to the left as if you were resting your ear on your shoulder. Hold for 15-30 seconds then gently release. Repeat on the other side. Always be careful with your neck and move slowly and deliberately.

• Shoulder Rolls

  Sitting or standing with your arms hanging down at your sides, neck long. Roll your shoulders in a circular motion forward, up, back and down. The bigger the circles the better. Do this 5-10 times forward, then repeat backwards. This helps loosen up those tense back and neck muscles and feels really good.

• Side to Side Neck Stretch

  Sitting or standing with your arms hanging down at your sides, neck long, gently turn your head to the right, chin over your shoulder, or as far as you can comfortably turn. Hold for several seconds then release and turn your head to the left. Repeat this movement side to side several times. This helps increase flexibility in your neck and reduces risk for injury.

• Side Stretch

  Standing or sitting with your arms hanging down at your sides, neck long, raise your right arm out to the side and up over your head. Keeping your core centered, reach your right arm over your head toward your left side, stretching your entire right side as far as you can comfortably go. This stretches from your hip up through your right side, your shoulder, right arm and into your fingertips. Breathing slowly and gently, try to increase your stretch with each exhale. Work this stretch for about 30 seconds then gently lower your arm and repeat on the left side. This feels lovely.

These stretches, if done regularly and as needed, will drastically reduce the tension in your neck, back and shoulders.

Saying “no” is really about setting appropriate boundaries. A huge part of stress comes from trying to meet the needs of those around us. And often we neglect our own needs and goals because we are so busy trying to please everyone else. By trying to please everyone else we tend to compromise our values and the people and relationships that mean the most to us. This leads to stress, frustration, exhaustion, anger and often resentment.

A very common trait of those of us, who have difficulty setting appropriate boundaries and learning to say “no”, is a fear of confrontation or conflict. We will do pretty much anything to avoid a face-off. We become “yesaholics”. We work from a place of fear. Fear we will disappoint, fear someone will get angry with us. Fear we will feel less valuable or that we will miss out on opportunities.

Another trait of “yesaholics” is that we feel we’re the only one who can effectively fix the problem. By jumping in and “saving the day” we get to feel needed and valuable and we are able to validate our sense of importance. But when we do this we deny other’s the opportunity to learn to exercise their own problem solving muscles and this can create a cascade of other problems

When you try to take on more than you reasonably have time for, the tendency is to push the important people and goals aside. Eventually this will catch up in the form of poor health, lost opportunities and damaged relationships.

Learning to say “no” isn’t easy. It takes practice. It takes a commitment to making better choices and to putting the most important things in your life first. It takes awareness of what those most important things are. It takes honesty.

Have you ever “made up” a headache, illness or previous commitment to get out of saying “yes” to a request for your time or resources just to avoid the negative repercussions you anticipate for saying “no”? Of course, most of us have done this and then felt guilty for stepping out of integrity with ourselves.

When you first start saying “no” it can feel awkward, uncomfortable, and maybe even scary. Changing an established behavioral expectation will certainly cause some people to react negatively. But with practice you’ll find that most people begin to have greater respect for you and for your time. And when you do say “yes” you will be more present and engaged, which is a win-win for everyone.

To start setting healthier boundaries and learning where to begin saying “no”, here are some tips:

1. Make a list of where you’re currently spending your time

2. Attach a value to the things you spend your time on, are they:

• Important/Urgent, these would be things like true crises, work deadlines, true emergencies

• Important/Not Urgent, these would be things like self-care, building and nurturing relationships, recreation, relaxation, and personal development

• Not Important/Urgent, these are things like phone calls, most e-mail, interruptions or distractions, urgencies of others

• Not Important/Not Urgent, here we have activities like electronic games, most TV, web surfing, and many phone calls, time wasters that serve no real purpose

3. Once you see were most of your time is currently being spent, determine where you want to spend more time and then begin saying “no” to activities and demands on your time that do not fall within the important areas.

4. Keep a little list of times you said “yes” and regretted it and review this periodically to make sure you remember why you are learning to say “no”.

5. Give yourself time between the request and your response so you can evaluate where the request falls on your priority list.

6. Practice, practice, practice. Spend some time in front of the mirror saying “no” firmly, politely and confidently.

7. Don’t justify your “no”. You don’t have to explain.

At first saying “no” can be very uncomfortable. The people in your life who are used to you responding immediately to their requests for your time or resources may not like being told “no”. To reduce some of this push-back, talk to them ahead of time. Explain that you need to start making your needs and goals a priority in your life. Ask for their understanding and support. They may or may not buy in. Remember that you have no control over their response, but you do have control over your choices.

Saying “no” is hard. We hate to disappoint others. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them angry, but if we don’t set healthy boundaries for ourselves no one else will. Saying “no” and setting boundaries shows respect for ourselves and helps others respect us as well.

Once you’ve decided where you need to make changes that will help you feel more in control of your life, stay firm in your resolve. As you set boundaries and take the time to meet your own personal needs you’ll be able to be more present and available in a healthy way to the needs of others.

Here are 5 ways to say “no” with grace and dignity:

• I would love to help you, but now is not a good time.
• Let me check my schedule and I’ll get back to you
• I’m sorry I won’t be able to help you with that, but thank you for asking
• No thank you
• Today doesn’t work for me, but I’m available on Tuesday, would that work for you?
• Bonus option: If you just can’t bring yourself to say “no”, but can’t help immediately, you could say, “Let me finish what I’m doing and then I’ll be happy to help you”.

Another possibility is rather than saying “no” up front, suggest ways the person asking might be able to resolve the issue on their own. Many times all we need is an idea or a place to start. If the problem persists evaluate whether this is something you can honestly help with at this time. If not, say so. Then move on.

Once you learn to say “no” gracefully, you’ll be surprised how good you feel.

Yes, you may disappoint others sometimes, but the benefit to your health and well-being is worth the effort of learning to say “no” to the things that don’t support your overall needs and goals. It will create space in your life to say “yes” to the people and circumstances that really need your assistance or input. Saying “yes” to what’s really important reduces our stress and feels really good.