Often we take on responsibilities that oppress us. We feel weighed down and stifled. We give away our power because we misjudge our duty. And we allow the needs and expectations of others to lead us. Then one day, we wake up and realize our life isn’t turning out the way we planned, but we don’t know how to fix it.

What is the first thought that comes into your mind when you hear the word responsibility?

Is it a negative thought or a positive one?

Do you feel overwhelmed just thinking about being responsible for one more thing?

For many of us the idea of responsibility feels terrible. We feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.

A Mindset Shift

Today I’m going to present a mindset shift. A different way to think about responsibility that is powerful… uplifting… and positive.

First though, let’s talk about lack of responsibility and what that means.

It means:

•         We aren’t accountable
•         We aren’t assigned blame
•         We aren’t assigned credit
•         We aren’t required to make important choices or decisions
•         We have less say in deciding issues that affect our lives
•         We aren’t in control

STOP!!!!

HOLD EVERYTHING!!!!

Isn’t one of the hallmarks of stressed out people a feeling that we’ve lost control of our lives?

Of course it is!

We often feel powerless and frustrated, and we feel we no longer have control. We feel like the needs and demands of other people and life in general have taken over.

Well, what if taking responsibility didn’t put more on your plate but instead, gave you a sense of power and control that reduced your stress? Taking responsibility for the right things can free you up for the things that are most important to you and allow you to inspire others, all while embracing life with joy and enthusiasm.

Skeptical? Read on.

Why We Do It and Why We Must Stop

As you take on extra responsibilities, your intention is often to be helpful, and to ease the burden of those you love or to help by lending your expertise. Maybe you’re more experienced and able to accomplish the task quicker or more easily than someone else.  But often the weight is heavy,

 or becomes so over time and it takes away from your ability to meet your own needs. 

Time and energy spent doing for others, what they can or should be doing for themselves, over time builds resentments. And eventually, you may begin to feel the weight and oppression of these extra responsibilities. Now, rather than bringing a sense of joy, you feel used or put upon. You may become angry or behave as a martyr. 

Perhaps you have misused your sense of obligation and confused your role and your duty to society…your family…employer…even to yourself. Is it possible you’ve taken responsibility for the wrong things and this has created a sense that life has gotten out of control?

To get back on track, let’s look at 6 areas of life where you must take responsibility in order to gain back that feeling of control.

1.      Attitude

First and foremost you must take responsibility for your attitude. This is probably the area where most people feel the greatest resistance. But it’s also the area where you will gain the greatest power.

It’s so easy to blame a bad or negative attitude on the behaviors of other people or the circumstances of life. Yet this is the quickest way to give up power.

Attitude is a choice. If you choose to be responsible for our attitude it opens the door to possibility and the potential for greater happiness. Choosing a positive attitude allows you to generate energy and this energy can bring zest to your life and those you spend time with.

Many people believe that attitudes are fixed, but science and psychology have proven that by taking responsibility for your thoughts and directing them with intention you can change how you see life and the events that occur in your life. When you accept responsibility for your attitude you choose to be in control of your destiny.

2.      Aim

What are you aiming for? What do you want out of life? Not what should you want, but what do you want? Look at major areas of your life and write down the answers to these questions.

•         What do you want to do?
•         How do you want to feel?
•         What do you want to be known for?
•         What do you want to have?
•         Where do you want to go?
•         What do you want to contribute?

Without  aim, you’re aimless. It won’t really matter what you do or how you feel. And you won’t know if you’ve arrived if you have no destination. So think about these questions honestly. This is for you. Try not to worry about what other people expect.

Once you have some rough answers to these questions, set some goals. For right now you don’t have to be clear on all the steps, or the bigger picture, just an idea, a jumping off point.

When you take responsibility for what you want out of life, or what you’re aiming for, you take that responsibility off of other people. This relieves some stress for them and may improve relationships. It also gives you a more directed purpose and a feeling of control.

Remember, if you don’t design your own life agenda, the people around you will. And they may not be considering what’s truly best for you.

3.      Attention

Where are you focusing your attention? What distracts you? Look over the list of the things you’re aiming for in life. Are you focusing your attention on those things or are you distracted by the expectations and needs of others? Are you spending your time and attention on meaningless activities?

Become mindful of where your attention is being spent. Then take responsibility for where your focus is directed. Guard your dreams and desires from the nothingness of distraction. Feel the joy of accomplishment that comes with pure focus and attention to what matters most to you.

4.      Affections

Do you allow yourself to lavish your affections on the things, people or causes that matter most to you? Or do you guard your emotions and affections for fear of being hurt? Are you afraid of being rejected or ridiculed?

Most of us have a little fear when it comes to love. But if you live life holding yourself back from feeling deeply and sincerely, you are denying yourself the opportunity for true happiness.

When you allow yourself to love deeply and express that love, you feel alive. You’re able to experience the joy of life and the beauty of others.

There is a natural high that comes from allowing your affections to blossom and grow.

Be fascinated by life and the people around you. Appreciate the differences and the unique contribution each of us makes and let that fascination and appreciation show.

Give others the love and affection they crave and they won’t be able to get enough of you.

5.      Actions

Your actions define your destiny and who you become. They add to your character.

Are your actions focused and determined? Are you disciplined and willing to do what is needed each day to create the outcome you want in life?

You create a feeling of control and you gain tremendous confidence in your abilities when you focus your actions. You make progress and that’s exciting.

By being responsible for your actions you take charge of your life. You aren’t waiting for your needs and desires to become important to someone else. You claim your power and choose your direction. And the things you want become possible.

6.      Allowing

Allowing is a toughie for most people. In the previous 5 areas you are claiming, embracing and acting. You are stepping into your power proactively.

Allowing is the process of gaining power by letting go. You let go of the responsibilities and choices that rightfully belong to someone else. You allow others to take responsibility for their own lives and outcomes.

Taking on responsibilities that belong to someone else can give you a false sense of control. But in a very short time you can become oppressed. You begin to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. And you deny others the opportunity to make their own choices… and yes, their own mistakes.

You may think you can do it better or more quickly, and you may be right. But that isn’t your responsibility. You are here to teach, encourage and inspire. Not control. When you attempt to take that control away from others, frustration sets in. For everyone. They may disengage. When that happens you lose influence and eventually you can lose love.

Stepping back and allowing other people to take responsibility for their own lives reduces stress for everyone. And often you will discover how capable they really are.

Letting Go

Letting go of responsibility that belongs to someone else can be tough at first, but it’s empowering. It allows you to focus your energies, attention and actions on your own stuff. And you will blossom into the person you are meant to be. And so do the people around you.

There is so much possibility in taking responsibility. It releases stress and empowers you. It opens you up to opportunities you may not have had or recognized otherwise. You will feel immense relief and a sense of control. As you discover your strengths through taking responsibility you will experience confidence that leads to greater happiness. You will be able to embrace life with zest and energy. And you will enjoy a greater feeling of Calm…From Within.  

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